Happy Father’s Day

I wish I could offer my father some kind of tribute today. Let him know of the great job he did and how much I respect him. But I can’t. I didn’t have one. The guy took off as soon as my mom told him she was pregnant.

This is my first father’s day.

In days past I have offered well wishes to the father of my wife, Richelle, and to my little brother, who in many ways, is someone I look up to, a great dad of two bright, amazing boys.

I hope I follow the examples they’ve set for me.

Emma and Grandpop
Today I’d like to offer thanks to all those fathers who stick around and try their best to be a force in their children’s lives.

And to shout out at those who have run from their responsibilities – your children need you.

Senators Evan Bayh and Barack Obama have a piece in the Inquirer on legislation they are proposing that will help those trying to do the right thing and punish those that don’t:

Today, too many men seem to think that fatherhood ends at conception. These men, so many of them still so young, leave mothers to bear the brunt of being both mom and dad, forcing them to face the challenges of raising a child and providing for the family on their own.

These women often perform this role heroically, but the statistics tell us what so many of them already know – that children are better off when their father is also involved.

Children who grow up without a father are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime. They are nine times more likely to drop out of school, five times more likely to commit suicide, and 20 times more likely to end up in prison. They are more likely to have behavioral problems, to run away from home, and to become teenage parents themselves.

So the question is: What do we do as a nation to solve this problem? How do we make sure that these boys start acting like men?

First, we will need a change in attitude. We will need to realize that government can’t legislate responsibility – that change can’t come just from Washington. As fathers, we need to teach our boys that having a child doesn’t make you a man – that what makes you a man is having the courage to raise a child.

But what government can do is to make it easier for those who make that courageous choice – and to make it harder for those who avoid it. The legislation we are introducing, called “The Responsible Fatherhood and Healthy Families Act,” will provide support for fathers who are trying to do the right thing in making child-support payments by providing them with job training and job opportunities and expanding the Earned Income Tax Credit. It also stops penalizing marriage in the tax code, and makes sure that children and mothers, not the government, receive every penny of child support.

At the same time, it cracks down on men who are ignoring their parental responsibilities by increasing child-support enforcement to $4.9 billion over 10 years, a measure that will collect nearly $20 billion in payments that can help raise, nurture and educate children.

Happy Birthday Dante

Hi Dante, if you’re reading – happy birthday bro. I miss ya.

A shout out to Howard, who was interviewed by the Philadelphia Metro.

And last but not least, Emma giggled last night! It was her first time while awake. Watching me and Xena play. Me and Xena chased each other for a half an hour until we both got too tired to go on – Emma giggled and giggled again 🙂

Today was a great day.

Still around, just not here

I’ve been busy at work, on Philly Future, and most importantly, at home these past few weeks. Being away from paradox1x has been refreshing, and in a way, illuminating.

paradox1x is going to evolve into something more personal, for friends, family, and those who need to know about me and things I am involved in. In short – a personal home page with blog. The majority of my news and tech related writing will be shared at Philly Future.

Catchyas around.

“Being a mom could be a 6-figure job”

Salary.com got some deserved buzz last week for their report on the valuation of mother’s work. According to the report, the work a stay at home mom would be valued at, if earning a paycheck, could be well into six figures.

Give their salary wizard a try. It says the median paycheck that Richelle would earn in our area is $143,754. If that seems high to you, then you have no idea the hard, complex, or challenging, the work a stay at home mom performs, day in and day out.

Here’s the thing – though it’s nice to see some hard dollars and cents as a way to recognize what stay at home moms do, there seems something sad that Salary.com’s wizard got so much coverage. In a real way it continues to confirm just how much we take them for granted. In the end, there is no way I could put a price tag on what Richelle does. Even though I am a full partner here, priceless wouldn’t be an adequate word to describe it. And single mom’s like my mom? I have no idea, no idea, how they do it.

I don’t think there are many men that think this way anymore, but if you’re a “man” with a wife who works her ass off all day and you don’t contribute at home, not only are you missing out, you deserve your ass kicked. And if you’re a man, who like me, may help but sometimes doesn’t say thanks enough, well just keep in mind that Mother’s day should be every day.

Maybe Doc’s Right?

I have a line in one of my songs that laments that “I learned about life at the age of 3, had it all their on my TV screen” so I can attest what happens when you expose a kid to too much media too soon – that’s me as an early teen on the right btw.

But the web is far more empowering. Not like passive media at all. If MySpace was available when I was a teenager – I would have been all over it. I probably would have found new outlets for expression. I probably wouldn’t have felt so lonely.

But maybe I’m lucky it wasn’t?

The great many things I know I fucked up while learning to be a man, aren’t all over the web, to be findable and usable forever by those that want to do so.

I didn’t have responsible and knowing parenting that would have educated me to the consequences of living life so in the open with so many. And I haven’t grown so old as to forget that my teenage years were messy, confusing, and sometimes downright ugly. I’m happy to have lived them – I wouldn’t change them – they made me who I am – but thank the Lord it’s difficult to exploit them. They are difficult to exploit because because they weren’t public, cached, searchable and available for all to see in perpetuity.

Maybe my childhood is an example of an edge case. But I feel a responsibility to ask if is not.

Back on April 5th I wrote a small piece in response to the concern Doc Searls posted over media consumption and children, including the net. I pretty much agreed with him, but wondered aloud how he would handle it when his son ventures onto MySpace. He came by and replied in a comment:

Ya’ll missed some modifiers. I said,

“I think letting *small* children watch TV is like giving them Quaaludes. I also think kids in their *most *formative years*…”

So I’m talking about young kids here: from 1 to 6 years old; or, to stretch it a bit, through age 9 or 10.

Thirteen year olds are another matter. I wasn’t talking about them, and I’ll gladly defer to the expertise of Danah and others on what MySpace and Xanga and Second Life and World of Warcraft might mean for them.

Meanwhile, I’ve got a 9-year-old kid who still believes in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, and who loves to swim and play basketball and read books. From what I can tell so far, the stories and lessons he’s getting from those books, and from his Waldorf School (where none of his peers, for what it’s worth, watch much TV or use computers… yet), will help equip him to be a discerning and independent soul in the Connected World where he and his peers will spend plenty of time in their teenage years and beyond.

I definitely missed the modifiers. Read his post again. He did make a distinction between being a teenager and not.

Vaccinations make it a scary night

Emma got three vaccination shots yesterday. I wasn’t at the doctor’s, I was at work at the time, but I believe Richelle when she tells me I would have cried at seeing Emma in the pain she was in. I felt like crying seeing her in pain when I got home. I feel guilty for not being there. For the next round I definitely will be.

She was very, very uncomfortable last night. While she didn’t display any of the symptoms of a vaccination gone wrong (talk to your doctor before giving your baby a vaccination – be aware), the pain she was in was still scary. When she screamed, which would happen in these short frightening bursts, it would rip right into you and vibrate there. Some Tylenol (on doctor’s advice) and lots of TLC went a long ways. Emma so far this morning seems herself.

“the best feeling in the entire world”

Emma is now very, very aware of her surroundings. Her smile fills up my heart like nothing else. She’s shares it all the time now – when she recognizes faces, hears voices in the room, when Richelle or me baby talk, when she’s being changed, even when she catches a glance of Xena walking by.

So when I read, anonymous rowhouse, the other day, this spoke to me:

i used to wonder what made people take their kids to all kinds of crazy places, i mean if i had my druthers sometimes i wish it were 1862 and my child(ren) would sit quietly making samplers while i worked on my latest collection of poetry (we’d be wealthy and have domestics).

but that isn’t what it’s really like.

somewhere between conception and kindergarten, if not at the moment of their arrival, you develop an almost palpable determination to hear your offspring go, “wow!” and see their eyes get big and witness all their delight and wonder at the smallest happenstance.

that is the best feeling in the entire world.

it starts, perhaps with the very first laugh … and continues through every redemption of prize tickets, rollercoaster, and bucket of seawater with a little crab in it, all through the seasons of their growing up.

Happy Easter and Happy Passover

Emma’s 1st Easter 🙂 We spent today catching up with Dante and his family. Tomorrow (well…today) will be Church, visiting my mom, then off to Richelle’s parent’s to spend time with mom, dad, Rose, Cindy, and Mike. The weather couldn’t be greater. We finished off the evening with Emma’s first stroll around the neighborhood.

Happy Birthday Richelle

Yesterday was Richelle’s birthday, her first as a mom 🙂 It was a great day, beautiful weather here in Philly, and her family came over for some cake, pizza, and American Idol.

Love ya sweetie – happy birthday!

Oh, and the American Idol contestants butchered Queen didn’t they?

“life is meaningless, we must bring meaning to life” – live

Dave Rogers: Balance:

…here’s the thing, I kind of knew all this stuff before, it didn’t really matter, did it? I think you could reasonably say I believed it, don’t you think? I didn’t disbelieve it. But it didn’t matter, because even though I knew it and believed it, I still couldn’t do the pose. If we say something doesn’t matter, that’s another way of saying it’s meaningless, is it not? Look at a fixed point, focus on your center, that’s just information. Believe it, disbelieve it, it’s just information. It only mattered when I did it. It only mattered when I lived it.

Think about that when I say that life is meaningless, we must bring meaning to life.

Then think about that when you read things like “the market for something to believe in is infinite.” Think about that information. In order for that to matter, in order for it to have meaning, someone has to live that information. Someone has to sell something to believe in, to someone. There are a couple of problems with that. First, there are many good things to believe in that are perfectly free. One might even say that “the best things in life are free.” So someone selling something to believe in has to overcome that hurdle, and I don’t think there’s an honest way to do that. Second, I’ve just tried to show that “something to believe in” remains something meaningless, until someone lives it. Until someone brings it to life. Meaning is a living thing.

It’s not the lack of things to believe in that is the source of the feeling of emptiness in many people’s lives. It’s the lack of living. And who can sell you that?