Book to read: “Man’s Search for Meaning”

Viktor E. Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning” is now one of those select books that friends and family can expect me to be sending them for gifts over the next few years. For those not familiar it, it comprises of two parts: his harrowing account of survival in concentration camps during WWII, the concepts he gleamed from the experience; and a short description of “Logotherapy”, the form of therapy he pioneered that was influenced by it.

It is a short book, however, it took a long time to read because every page had something to think about and reflect upon. There are lessons for anyone, in any stage of life. Lessons for how we conduct ourselves under the best and worst of conditions, and finding the light in ourselves during the world’s darkest moments.

Quotes:

  • The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick learned while mastering the art of living.
  • …the “size” of human suffering is absolutely relative.
  • No man should judge unless he asks himself in absolute honesty whether in a similar situation he might not have done the same.
  • One literally became a number: dead or alive – that was unimportant; the life of a “number” was completely irrelevant. What stood behind that number mattered even less: the fate, the history, the name of the man.
  • We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number , but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – tho choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.
  • Dostoevsk said once, “There is only one thing that I dread: not to be worthy of my sufferings.” These words frequently came to my mind after I became acquainted with those martyrs whose behavior in camp, whose suffering and death, bore witness to the fact that the last inner freedom cannot be lost. It can be said that they were worthy of their sufferings; the way they bore their suffering was a genuine achievement. It is this spiritual freedom – which cannot be taken away – that makes life meaningful and purposeful.
  • The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity – even under the most difficult circumstances – add a deeper meaning to his life. It may remain brave, dignified and unselfish. Or in the bitter fight for self-preservation he may forget his human dignity and become no more than an animal. Here lies the chance for a man either to make use of or to forgo the opportunities of attaining the moral values that a difficult situation may afford him. And this decides whether he is worthy of his sufferings or not.
  • This uniqueness and singleness which distinguishes each individual and gives a meaning to his existence has a bearing on creative work as much as it does on human love.
  • A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the “why” for his existence, and he will be able to bear almost any “how”
  • Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.
  • According to logotherapy we can discover this meaning in life in three different ways: (1) by creating a work or doing a deed; (2) by experiencing something or encountering someone; and (3) by the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering.
  • By his love he is enabled to see the essential traits and features in the beloved person; and even more, he sees that which is potential in him, which is not yet actualized but yet ought to be acutalized.
  • No one can become fully aware of the essence of another human being unless he loves him.
  • When we are no longer able to change a situation – just think of an incurable disease such as an inoperatable cancer – we are challenged to change ourselves.
  • …man’s main concern is not to gain pleasure or avoid pain but rather to see a meaning in his life. That is why man is ready to suffer, on the condition, to be sure, that his suffering has a meaning.
  • At any moment, man must decide, for better or worst, what will be the monument of his existence.
  • Every age has its own collective neurosis, and every age needs its own psychotherapy to cope with it.
  • Man does not simply exist but always decides what his existence will be, what he will become in the next moment.
  • Man is capable of changing the world for the better if possible, and of changing himself for the better if necessary.
  • A human being is not one thing among others; things determine each other, but man is ultimately self-determining. What he becomes – within the limits of endowment and environment – he has made out of himself. In the concentration camps, for example, in this living laboratory and on this testing ground, we watched and witnessed some of our comrades behave like swine while others behaved like saints. Man has both potentialities within himself which one is actualized depends on decisions but not on conditions.
  • For the world is in a bad state, but everything will become still worst unless each of us does his best. So let us be alert – alert in a twofold sense: Since Auschwitz we know what man is capable of. And since Hiroshima we know what is at stake.

Related:

Wikipedia: “Viktor Frankl”

Wikipedia: “Logotherapy”

Wikiquote: “Man’s Search for Meaning”

Viktor Frankl Institute

Also related:

Frankl was a huge influence on Stepen Covey’s “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”.

Play to teach self-control

NYTimes: “Can the Right Kinds of Play Teach Self-Control? “

NPR.org: “Creative Play Makes for Kids in Control”

Do you encourage play time with your children along these lines or have them involved in a preschool that operates with a similar program? I admit I have not – Emma’s play is either directed – baking, arts and crafts, or games, or non-structured free time. So can’t attest to how well the work. What these programs are attempting to improve or instill is important.

And BTW, I gotta agree with the author of “What should a 4 year old know” for what is truly important. Compassion towards others, and self control, are both in that mix.

Related:

The New Yorker: Jonah Lehrer: “The secret of self-control.”

YouTube: “Kids & the Marshmallow Test”:

Happy “Half Way Out of the Dark”

That’s the Doctor describing the protagonist in this year’s Doctor Who Christmas special, “A Christmas Carol”, and an apt description for what many feel is the significance of Christmas Eve (and Winter Solstice for that matter). It was a terrific episode (for an in-depth review check out “Behind the Sofa” a great Doctor Who focused blog). If you’re worried about the time-paradox questions it opens up and possible inconsistencies – well it’s Doctor Who – and there have been many such episodes in the past.

Emma had 3 before this, but this year was really her first Christmas and I feel so blessed to be part of providing it in such a crazy, fragile world. It was a fantastic day that culminated in her Grandparents and Uncle and family stopping over for a great dinner. I hope your holiday was as touched by loved ones as mine.

My thoughts go to those who have lost someone whenever I post something like this. We feel our missing loved ones in a real significant way during the holidays. I miss Mom. And for you especially hurting, my thoughts and prayers go out to you.

Speaking of which, let me pass along Howard’s holiday wish because I can hope for nothing greater:

may all our blessings
sow the seeds of compassion
wherever they’ll grow

(BTW – that’s two of his haikus of his I’ve quoted in two months – get over there subscribe, and maybe buy some of his stuff)

Philadelphia Lt. Raymond Evers: “It’s a high-risk area”

Tonight comes news of another murder in Kensington. Philadelphia Inquirer: “Police find woman’s body in Kensington”.

While Center City Philadelphia is continuing a Renaissance that started in the 90s, for those living in many neighborhoods in Philly, life has not improved and in many respects, has gotten worst. Philadelphia’s challenge over the next decade is to keep growing the positive momentum that is taking place here and making sure it reaches all its neighborhoods, all its people. This is going to have to happen in a city whose state no longer has advocates in its assembly. It will be more difficult than people imagine.

newsworks.org: “Former prostitute talks about streets of Kensington”

Many who are politically motivated try and summarize the problems that neighborhoods like Kensington are soaked in to simple catch phrases and causes, but the problems are many fold. Just follow some of the terrible comments posted in this great, nuanced piece from the Inquirer “The Drugs Dilemma”.

There are some that doubt Philly has made all that much progress over the last 15 or so years. There is more than enough evidence it has (see the thoughts of Kristen Lee, and there was no way you could walk away from attending TEDXPhilly and know otherwise).

You could always describe Philly, accurately, as a city of neighborhoods. Each with its own character, accent, customs, and peoples. What we need to work to avoid is a far greater and in this case tragic divide. One of hope.

Related:

Lyrics: Kensington

“Alternative journalism documenting Fishtown and Kensington”

David Kessler: “Shadow World”

Daily Beast: “The Kensington Avenue Strangler”

Happy Thanksgiving – What I’m Thankful For

I’m thankful to be husband to my sweetheart Richelle and for being a dad to my awesome daughter Emma. Our anniversary is this weekend. Our 11th!

I’m thankful for a family that has grown over the years, that has faced tremendous challenges and difficulties and has become closer. We’re blessed to have one another. Our story is amazing.

I’m thankful for friends who accept me as I am and cheer me on when I need it. I’m thankful to be able to lend an ear. I’m thankful to go on adventures together whether they be building new things or making music, or just being there for one another. I need to hang out more. I’m working on it 🙂

I’m thankful that I can make connections between people and between things and build bridges. It’s something I’ve realized is part of who I am and I am embracing it. It helps to design systems of software. It helps to empower others. Some call it ‘big picture’ thinking. I call it problem solving. Whatever it is – I am thankful.

I’m thankful I’ve found examples of what great parenthood should look like from Richelle’s parents. I love you Mom and Dad.

I’m thankful for the field I work in, on the teams I work in, in the company I work for and especially the people I work with who are unbelievable. Wow. Just wow. Every once and a while I need to pinch myself.

I’m thankful for the programming craft in so many ways. You’ve given me a career and an outlet for my creativity. Hopefully I provide as good feedback to those I work with as those I’ve learned so much from.

I’m thankful for my guitar and the gift of song. If you weren’t there for me when I needed you I’d be in plenty of trouble today.

I’m thankful for my inspirations – many of which are fellow bridge builders in the large. Scientists, engineers, psychologists, teachers, writers, song writers, designers, activists, doctors, journalists, photographers, public servants that work every day to help or share one another and society.

I’m thankful that I am starting to be comfortable public speaking again. I’ll never get rid of the fear – but I’m not bad and just need to practice. Ignite Philly maybe?

Speaking of that I am thankful for the Philadelphia community that has been built over the last decade that is helping to promote the city through the lifting up of one another. Refresh, BarCamp, Ignite Philly, and now TedXPhilly are some great public examples – but it happens every day in message forums, on Twitter and Facebook, at National Mechanics and Indy Hall, in coffee shops and books stores and random interactions every day we have with one another. I love this town.

And speaking of this town – I am thankful for my neighbors, my friends, and to live on a block where people know and trust one another, where kids play together, where we can have a beer and talk about the game with one another.

I’m thankful for mornings and nights. Sunshine and the the city lights and stars.

I’m thankful for coffee, beer and good food.

Pizza. Deserves a mention all by itself.

I’m thankful for early Metallica and Iron Maiden. For Johnny Cash and John Denver. For songs like “The Drugs Don’t Work” and “Pork and Beans” (by Weezer). “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” too. Thank you.

I’m thankful for Jim Henson and the Muppets. Fred Rogers. Sesame Street. Star Wars. Star Blazers. Doctor Who. STOS and STNG. The Simpsons. The Daily Show. Battlestar Galactica. Spider-Man. Buffy the Vampire Slayer seasons 1,2,3,4, 5 and 6.

I’m thankful for “To Kill a Mockingbird”, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, “Job” and “Psalms”, the New Testament, “The Last Lecture”, “Fahrenheit 451”, “Animal Farm”, and “All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten”.

I’m thankful for people who believed in me when I couldn’t find a reason to believe in myself. Joe, Pat, Suresh, Steve, my “Moms” at Sears (Paula, Joan, Mary), you know who you are.

I’m thankful for my 6th grade teacher Mr. Crell.

I’m thankful that I have spent my time wisely over the Web’s birth and initial growth. No, I haven’t made millions. But – I’ve made lifelong friends and hopefully have helped a few people along the way.

I’m thankful for my Mom and my childhood. Most scratch their heads at that the more they know about it, and that’s understandable. But it helped give me a roll with the punches outlook. A belief that people can grow and change. To never judge a book by its cover. That we may not be able to determine what cards we are dealt but we can decide how to play them. Life’s not fair. But we can be fair to one another, and be there for one another. It’s our choice. And speaking of choice…

I’m thankful to live in a time where I can point my phone at the sky and have it inform me what the constellations I am looking at, or to have it help me translate languages from across the globe. Where technology can empower us to connect if we choose to do so (like this) and empower us to make a difference – but it comes down to choice doesn’t it? We need to choose wisely. I am thankful for choice.

And last, but not least, I’m thankful for Xena, my puppy. She’s 7 now. I love how she loves Emma and Richelle and life. She reminds me what’s important every day.

Bless you all and Happy Thanksgiving.