Great story in the Inquirer of how Kevin Johnson handled meeting one of the attackers who harmed him and put him in a wheelchair. They’re friends now.

You can call me a Catholic, call me a hippie, call me an Idealist ENFP but I know the healing your receive when you forgive someone.

I’m not talking about simply telling someone you forgive them – because that’s just bullshit – I’m talking about those inward absolutions of the heart that let the hate that drags you down go. Letting go of hate is always a good thing.

The world would be a better place if more people tried.

This Christmas Richelle’s dad gave me one of his two remaining P Coat‘s from his time in the Navy during the Vietnam War. They have his serial number and name written on a label stitched inside. The one he gave me had spittle on it’s shoulder from Richelle and Rose from when they were babies.

To most people, this would be a very meaningful, sentimental thing. But to me – let me tell you – it meant everything.

Richelle’s dad and mom didn’t like me so much when they met me. Didn’t like me at all really. I was a kid from the wrong side of Kensington, and they thought I was bad for their daughter – that I was not worthy of her. Richelle’s brother and sister, on the other hand, accepted me almost immediately (well not her brother… that took time), they would become my brother and sister. I love them so very much.

Mom and dad’s rejection had hurt deeply. I was already distrusting and definitely became more so as a reaction. It was a very dark time. They had good reasons – I had lied about living with my parents, I had lied about living in a squat, and wasn’t in High School when I should have been – I just couldn’t see it then.

Over the years, much has happened, and along the way I struggled. They witnessed that struggle – and learned about the man that I want to be – that I still not am. I would earn their respect and trust. Likewise, I was eventually able to see things from their perspective and know why they felt and reacted as they did. They loved their daughter. Sometimes things can be so clear when we put ourselves in other’s shoes.

One day I would ask Richelle’s dad for his daughter’s hand in marriage. The family and I planned my surprise proposal to Richelle – it took place in front of everyone, at a favorite restraunt of their’s, on her Grandfather’s birthday.

Dad is recovering from an operation to deal with his sleep apnea. He’s been on my mind.

If you’re reading this Dad and Mom – I love you, Karl

Dj: Consistency:

Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago

For many years, I’ve been a consistency freak in both in matters or religion and software development. I think the past few years have changed my attitude when it comes to religion. I think the past few hours have changed my attitude when it comes to software development.

I’m beginning to think that being as good as you can be is more important than being as consistent as you can be. So why does this change bother me so much? Probably pride, which is ultimately the only sin.

Some hubris can be a good thing, but pride always gets in the way. Poison’s relationships, band lineups (heh), your capacity to learn, the threat of being called inconsistent is a danger for anyone in public serivce (damn flip-flopper!), not to mention it seems the start of most wars (my dick is bigger – or must be bigger – then your dick). Hate the sin and not the sinner. Pride is a bug.

From my quote file: Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933):

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination are omnipotent. The slogan press on has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.

Turns out there is some truth to this. Via Garret, comes a Philadelphia Inquirer story about a Penn researcher who says it isn’t I.Q., grades or talent that lead to success – “It’s good, old-fashioned stick-to-itiveness.”:

“It’s not like you could be stupid, but if you didn’t have the necessary drive and determination to overcome obstacles and set high standards for yourself, then you weren’t going to make it,” he says.

But Simonton thinks Duckworth’s grit studies are interesting on two fronts. She’s looking at contemporary achievers, rather than dead geniuses, and she’s developed a grit scale, which attempts to measure the determination they show.

Robert J. Sternberg, a Yale University psychology professor who directs the school’s Center for the Psychology of Abilities, Competencies and Expertise, believes that schools don’t emphasize nonintellectual qualities – like grit – enough. “There’s a really serious disconnect between the way we prepare kids for leadership positions in society, for life as an adult, and what you actually have to do to get there,” he says.

Not that parents always do the job either. Some try to protect their kids from failure or frustration. “In the course of your life, you encounter a lot of blows, some of them quite awful,” Sternberg says, “and if you don’t learn how to overcome those obstacles, you’re at a disadvantage.”

My personal story is a real world example. It’s one of the reasons why I believe no matter how lost some may think some are – there is always hope.

Don’t let anyone’s put downs or discouragement, your background or history, keep you from fighting for your dreams. It’s always about the fight.

I’m definitely ramping up to join the local folks who’ve shared their views on faith and politics. Not being an eloquent writer makes it difficult – it’s complicated to think about – let alone write about – but the conversation, I think, is important.