What’s a friend?

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A little meditative thought, going over old lyrics of mine. Powerful stuff to face old writing. All sorts of things become clear upon reflection.

One thing, for example, that got me was how black and white the world once seemed. Was it that way for you long ago? Here’s a question to frame it for you: What is a friend?

I’ve been blessed with many in my life. One who is my wife. One who is my brother. One who may not be my brother by blood – but is my brother nevertheless. One a mentor. One practically a father. One my zen master. Three who called themselves my mom. Those I’ve worked with thru some hard times, and those who work to try and build something special with me, with little resources, and little personal gain.

And then there is the instance of the one I turned on for a break of trust. It still can shock me the depth of anger I felt at the perceived betrayal. Since then I’ve actually let a few people walk all over me, my response to that situation bothered me so. Richelle says I’m now too trusting. It’s a compliment… I think 🙂

Well according to dictionary.com a friend is:

  1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
  2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
  3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
  4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement.
  5. Friend A member of the Society of Friends; a Quaker.

If I recall correctly, as a kid your definition of a friend is very black and white: Someone you play with.

And as a teenager it gets a bit more complex – A soul you can trust. A heart that accepts you. A person you care for. A fist that will fight for you. Two feet that will stand beside you when things get hairy.

But as an adult we muddy our definition of the word friend. It becomes elastic to include acquaintances. People who we simply share interests but may not care for in the least.

Maybe this is a good thing. We grow tolerant. Our hearts less exclusive. Maybe its the acknowledgment that life is a whole lot easier if we lay down our walls and be cool with one another.

Maybe its an acknowledgment that we had it right when we were children – simply now a friend is someone you share a drink with and maybe a joke.

I’d like to believe that, but…

A part of me holds that teenager’s definition a little too dear – for example, it pisses me off how some throw around the word friend and then walk away the first time someone needs help.

That same part wants to revolt at how we market our 1,251 friends on My Space or look at our link ranks on Technorati… speaking of which… if you link to me.. are you my friend? If you don’t… what does that say?

Well, then again, sometimes a link is just a link. A comment is just a comment. And it’s expressions of reaching out that counts. One way, or another.

Back to my guitar and those old lyrics.

5 thoughts on “What’s a friend?”

  1. Two of my favorite quotes on the definition of friends:

    “A man’s friends are the ones who get there first and won’t go away.” (it was from a novel but can’t tell you which one)

    On Star Trek: The Next Generation, Data had a line about a friend being someone whose input you had grown accustomed to (or something like that — can’t remember the exact words). That I liked this was a little more alarming when I took the book quiz you linked to and came out with “I, Robot.”

  3. I’m 20. That to begin with may color my perception of things. I don’t believe, however, that it’s wrong to hold a higher standard of a friend. I would rather have 30 aquaintances mad at me than have to make 15 phone calls when I’m in a real bind. I find more and more that I differ with my peers on this point. Of course, if I don’t consider them a friend, I’d hardly look to them for approval of my beliefs.

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